Enough of being the doormat, the one expected to make the first gesture, the one to work for peace.

Why can't others see how their words hurt and cut deep? I thought English was spoken here. I know no other language.

You see, I've been too nice for too long. That's me...the doormat. Scrapped raw with mud, always understanding and forgiving. Every time. But enough! No more. I've had it.

I've given friendship too easily, cried at those that went astray. Why? When no one aches for me and the friendship I bring. Taken for granted, sometimes discarded and most times forgotten.

No more. I won't work to love only to be hurt. I won't bare all again only to be broken. The scar goes too deep. And this wound may never heal.

Now you work...you seek... There are no more promises for forever.

The Moleskine arrived Friday. And it's perfect - the feel, the size, the paper and that black elastic that holds the pages closed. And yes! I even took at sniff!

I had just come in after an evening of drinks with a friend and there it was on my desk. I could barely restrain myself from ripping the package open. First, I opened and tossed the junk mail I had, collected my towel and went for a hot shower. Then, after getting a glass of water from the kitchen, I sat on my bed and opened it...carefully. A white tissue-covered oblong fell onto my lap. Restraint went out the window as the tissue was quickly shredded, then the plastic that bound it.

Bliss! It's now sitting on my desk just begging for a pen to caress its pages. And the only thing I've written in it is my name!

Finally out of the office and off to yoga. So desperately need this class to relax me. Utterly crappy day with an over-emotional suit. It's so unfair when things are demanded of me, I immediately jump to fulfilling them. But if I just ask or even remind in a light-hearted manner...I get bulldozed, slammed then shoved into the manure pile! It's grossly unfair, and yesterday was IT!

I stomped off to my boss and told him. Believe me, if I hadn't...she would have! Also, I would not have done so if the suit in question was not sobbing her hysterical head off and drawing several into her 'woe is me' orbit. I'm one who internalises a lot of my stress, never complaining to others in my team. It's bad for morale! And my boss knows it. He was sympathetic, understanding very well the suit in question. I didn't do it to complain, but to share with a friend.

Later: 11pm... Yoga class was a welcome relief! Downward Dog released all my tensions and brought me back to myself. Learned a breathing technique to calm myself. This should come in handy the next time.

I landed quite by accident, as it is in all happy wanderings, on a site yesterday that featured moleskines. Thinking at first they were about leather bags (ok, laugh!), I read further and discovered a delightful truth. They are the latest rage in notebooks. Made famous by Hemmingway, Van Gogh and Neil Gaiman, these little black books have many uses and a rapidly growing cult status. And for goodness sake's...there are even hacks online for this 'analog version of the PDA'.


To learn about these legendary notebooks, you should venture to here. There are links there to the modern creators of these notebooks, Modo & Modo, in Italy.

If you're in the US, you can buy them from MoleskineUS and Ninth Wave Designs (who ships overseas).

I was getting desperate and tried to find them in Singapore. Then ta da!! Discovered a site at Luxe Ideas which is slightly cheaper than those from the US. And I ordered one! There's also another shop at Tanglin Mall that distributes (see the Modo & Modo site for the Singapore store).

I was unceremoniously dumped a couple of days ago. It was over being unable to commit to a project even after I agreed to a very low level of commitment. It wasn't so much the dump that upset me, but the nature it was done. Cold, impersonal and without a hint of the friendship that brought us together in the first place.

Made me wonder...if true blue friendships are becoming extinct or are even formed at all these days. You know, the kind that cuts through all problems, all circumstances...where the conversation never ends. The kind that follows you through life and is as comfortable as your favourite sweater. The kind that shapes you and leaves a brand on your soul.

I'm fortunate to have two such friends. Just wish they weren't over thousands of miles away. But one phone call picks up where the conversation last left off. Ours is the kind of friendship I know will last forever, till we're old and gray. And I love them for it.

What about you, dear Reader? Where have your friendships led? Are you lucky enough to experience those "death till us part" friends? Tell me...

I chopped it off. Nearly all of it. I know it was probably in frustration of that day but when I plonked down into the seat and cried to Louise to "take it all off", I was determined. And so I got my hair cut. Quite a drastic one. It's really short now, shorter than I intended but boy! did it feel good. I felt liberated! With each snip, Valentine's just fell away in brown strands. Hmmph...Should have added that to my list of things to do yesterday.

Wonder if I can apply this to other things like relationships and work stress? But if everything happens at the same time...I'd be bald! LOL!

It's V-Day. I'm still here. Very much in the pink. Shirt that is. The flower bouquets have been arriving over the course of the day. While some triumphantly display them like trophies or spoils of war, there are the few who try to hide the voluminous blooms amongst stacks of files.

Yes...I secretly envy them. Not for the roses but that there is someone behind them. If there is one day or thing that causes me to pause then fume at my singleton life, it's those blasted roses and this particular day.

But having a guy doesn't promise happiness or gifts on this day. I've had one that gave neither. So on hindsight, I'm a happier puppy now. Just don't let me see another rosebush totter past. Please...

It's 2 days to that most dreaded day of the year. The one singletons try to forget exists, only to have it shoved in their faces through incessant ads on tv, newspapers and radio hawking everything to bring on rapturous cries of joy: jewellery, lingerie and candlelight dinners. With even hotels proffering romantic (read as: clandestine for some) weekend getaways. Since many takers of thse packages will be unwed couples lured by promises of champagne, a petal-strewn bed and late checkouts, in ultra-conservative Singapore, I'm surprised that it has not raised a tattooed eyebrow or two especially from the moral brigade. And trust me, they are a sizable force here.

I'm cool...I'm fine. As Bridget Jones would say, if I wanted roses dammit, I'd buy them myself! And on any other day when they don't cost $100 for a dozen!! In fact, while being one half of a couple is a good thing any day of the year, not being that one half on this most commercial of days is a drag.

So I've started something. Every year on that day, I'll buy myself something. Not necessarily expensive, but something I'd not usually buy. Last year's gift was a beautiful steel-and-wood wind chime set. It's hanging outside my bedroom window. I think this year, I'll get it a companion.

So my suggestions to survive the day if you're un-coupled are:
1. Go rent a bunch of DVDs - stay away from any TV, radio and newspapers.
2. Cook. Bake, roast, knead, fry or saute yourself a meal/dessert to enjoy while watching those DVDs.
3. Gather good singleton girlfriends for a dinner date at your favourite restaurant and order bottles and bottles of vino for a rollicking good time.
4. Splurge on a box of Godiva chocolates and enjoy them with your favourite author of the moment at home.
5. Buy yourself something special - jewellery, a BOSE stereo set, an iPod... anything!
6. Prep yourself with a high octane power workout at the gym or relax with a yoga session. Either way, you'll release a bunch of happy hormones to float you through the night.
And for those still aching over a breakup and still feeling mad at that ass who dumped you for another...
7. Make a dinner reservation at an expensive restaurant and use your ex-boyfriend's name and number. Better yet, his credit card if you know it. Say you're his secretary.

Did you know that Leonardo di Caprio has done 2 movies where his characters were poets?

They are Basketball Diaries as Jim Carroll and a little-known one, Total Eclipse as Arthur Rimbaud.

I've heard and also have commented myself, that there are few movies out there that do justice to the books they were based on. While the script has to make for adjustments of transferring the written word to action on screen, sometimes whole stories get butchered in the process. Oh, by the way...for the ones listed here, I did read the books before I saw the movies.

Name 3 movies-from-books that you've enjoyed.
1. The Lord of the Rings trilogy
2. The Turn of the Screw (1959)
3. The Age of Innocence
Tolkien would have been proud of Peter Jackson's efforts. Now I can't wait for him to tackle The Hobbit. The black-and-white movie of the Henry James' novel never fails to scare me even now. This one with Ingrid Bergman is first-rate but a later one in 1974 with Lynn Redgrave has a really bizarre sexual tension between the governess and Miles who's played as a young teen. I truly enjoyed Daniel Day Lewis and Michelle Pfeiffer in the movie which I felt captured the essence of Edith Wharton's novel.

Name 3 movies-from-books you wished were never made.
1. The Running Man by Richard Bachman aka Stephen King
2. Queen of the Damned by Anne Rice
3. I honestly can't think of another one for this slot...any suggestions??
Stephen King's books seldom result in good movies. Stand By Me and The Shawshank Redemption are exceptions. But The Running Man with Arnold Schwarznegger is NOTHING like the original short story. Rice's vampire series took a dive when Queen came out. Eager to cash in on the success of Interview with a Vampire, this movie massacred her book to bits!

Name 3 books that you would love to see made into a movie.
1. CSS Lewis' Narnia series
2. The Woman in Black by Susan Hill
3. Descent by Jeff Long
There are so many... After long last, one of my favourite series, after LOTR, is in production and will be released at the end of this year. As for The Woman in Black, this is one spooky book. It has all those lovely elements of good English ghost stories: foggy nights, creaking rocking chair, mysterious sounds and a really malevolent ghost! I'm not into action/thriller novels but this one by Jeff Long hooked me till the end in one intense weekend. It explores the notion of Hell literally being under our feet and the Devil is of a tribe of man long since disappeared into the bowels of the earth.

And that's my list. if you put up one on your site, do let me know.

The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest is on and truly Wretched Writers are Welcome. This interesting contest calls for your 'finest" (read as: worst!) brief opening line in one sentence in any genre.

This was one of the books I picked up at that fabulous book warehouse sale. It's a book...on sale...about food. Three things I hold quite dear. Perfect!

Written by Ruth Reichl, the editor of Gourmet, "Comfort Me with Apples" chronicles her determined start as a food writer with a meager expense account, life on a commune in Berkely with her first husband, her gastronomic travels to France and China and her extraordinary encounters with chefs like Wolfgang Puck. It's passionately written by a woman who's passionate about food.

The pasta was so thin that it seemed to have vanished, leaving only a memory behind. What was left was simply the subtlety of the sauce, pure and light, as if the liquid has somehow taken solid form. It wasn't food, it was magic on a plate, and for a moment I disappeared into the flavour.

Oh...and the recipies peppering the book are equally delicious!

It held the promise of a home-cooked dinner at a friend's new apartment. And several hours of a good old 'catch-up' session. But no thanks to a client's ads of which a bunch had to be prepped today, I ended up staying at the office till nearly 1130pm! *Sob...sob!* After postponing my ETA several times, I finally threw in the towel. We'll meet up another day for that dinner.

Now, I've got a 6-day holiday stretched out before me. Next Monday and work seem too far away. So for now, I'm going to luxuriate in late mornings and long days of books, writing, a movie or two and just plain being a bum.

Anyone care to join me?

I thought it was time for a change to something on this blog.

Found this great image of morning glories at iStockPhoto, a great source for images for as cheap as US$0.50 to US$1.50 (depending on desired image resolution), or where you can load up some of your own and earn! As for fonts, here's a great link to some really cool FREE fonts for Mac and PC at Font Freak.

Since I've gone back to work full-time, I've not had much freelance work as before although I am working at changing it. While my schedule doesn't allow me to take on massive design projects, I will accept copywriting jobs and smaller design work.

After being a graphic designer for over 10 years in various design agencies, I had grown tired of dealing with annoying clients who insist on playing art director and with bosses who had ridiculous ideas on what made a successful design team. It was time for a change.

I made a mid-life career switch into creative services. It's a different set of pressures and responsibilities from before but now I have a bit more time for other stuff, which also includes my freelance design and copywriting which easily gets done after hours and on weekends.

Sometimes I wish a day had 36 hours in it! We'd work for 8 hours, rest of 8 hours, play for 10 hours and sleep for 10 hours, .

What dish encourages you and your guests to play with its ingredients at the dining table, tossing it high as you mix it all up before enjoying the first delicious mouthful?



Yu Sheng!

A truly Singaporean invention, Yu Sheng is really a very fresh salad prepared with shredded vegetables and raw fish, jellyfish or even abalone. It is only available once a year during the month of Chinese New Year and is the first dish served at the start of every Chinese meal. Waiters bring the large dish to the table with much pomp and proceed through an elaborate ritual of preparing it right before the guests. Auspicious Chinese phrases are said at each step calling for prosperity, wealth, health and good fortune to follow the guests throughout the year. The waiter then steps back and the fun begins.

Armed with chopsticks (sorry, but you simply lose the effect when you try this with a fork!), guests stand and proceed to toss the ingredients in the air, mixing and stirring it up. You see, the higher you toss, the more luck you'll have. Never mind the bits that fall off the plate. Finally when the Yu Sheng is well tossed, sit back and enjoy.

The ingredients of Yu Sheng are relatively easy to find and make. It calls for Smoked Salmon Slices (or other raw fish if you prefer), julienne of Carrot, Green & White Radish, Pickled Ginger & Mango, Winter Melon, slices of Onion, Pomelo pulps and Chinese Parsley. A lime is squeezed over everything before it's topped with Peanut Oil, Sesame Seeds, Grounded Peanuts, Crackers, Fine Salt, Pepper, Cinnamon and Plum Sauce. Then toss for prosperity.

I relish the times I get to enjoy this dish. I love the rich plummy sour-sweetness, the salty crunchy peanuts and crackers. When a bunch of my friends get together for dinner during this period, we toss this dish twice. Once without the salmon for a couple of vegetarian friends then once with the salmon. Wonder if that means twice as lucky?

You can read more the history of Yu Sheng here. With more information on the steps of its preparation here.

It's getting close to Chinese New Year, folks. And for those of you out there who look forward to those dinners, please spare a thought and pass on that bowl of sharksfin this year. I know many will say "why? it's too late, the fish is already dead, so I might as well eat it". It may not be easy, especially where relatives are involved but you have to start somewhere. Short of going off on a ship like Greenspeace activists to harrass fishing boats, you can make a difference with the power of your wallet. When the buying stops, the killing stops.

The poor shark is not an endangered species yet but the cruelty they experience for the sake of their fins is truly inhumane!

So, I'm asking everyone I know and you good folk out there in cyberland...please just say 'No!'